Tommy G's Guide for Surviving a Zombie Attack

I know that I've been a little late answering to this topic, but that's because I'm trying to help secure your survival. Up coming posts will give helpful tips to surviving a zombie attack.

Chapter 1: The Assessment

1^st Step: Realize that you’re under attack by zombies. As simple as that sounds, it’s very important for survival. If you don’t know that you’re under attack, you simply won’t survive the day. Realizing the situation may make a difference in life or death. Here are a couple of easy tips for quickly evaluating a possible zombie attack and escaping from it.

1. Look for the warning signs.

2. Know the type of zombie you’re dealing with.

3. Know how to defend yourself.

4. Know your escape routes.

Looking for the warning signs:

There are a couple of ways that you can know if the world is coming to an end by a zombie attack. First of all, pay attention to the media before you go to bed. Chances are that the world isn’t going to come to an end overnight, unless the president bombs the world. It doesn’t mean that an attack can’t happen overnight while everyone sleeps, but statistics show that there is a higher probability of zombie attacks occurring during the late night. Usually a small incident will be the birth of the attack. A small incident can lead to a catastrophic event, think of it kind of like throwing a stone in the water…the ripple effect. The initial catalyst starts small, and then gets bigger and bigger as time passes and spreads out covering more area. Your job is not to be trapped in one of those ripple rings. Get out before it over comes you. If you are in the initial attack, then you’re screwed. Only God or luck can save you.

So how can dividing your attention to the media help? Easy. If you’re watching a late night news broadcast or reading a “Breaking Story” article on-line, then you can get a step ahead of the rest of the world. If there’s some story about an unknown infection or large accounts of hysteria and people killing each other in some other parts of the world, then that’s your first hint at an upcoming zombie attack. Any stories about mysterious toxic waste spills are another indicator that zombies may be coming. Or any other type of breaking news that reports large amounts of deaths in the world. This leads to hell overflowing and the dead roaming the Earth. No matter how distant or close the news story may be, take it as a warning sign. That’s why it’s important to get your fill of the news before you go snooze. You can already have an eight to ten hour head start on the rest of the world if you knew what was coming.

Secondly, be alert to recognize the situation. Okay, let’s say you go to bed and don’t check up on what’s going on in the rest of the world, so does this mean you’re already dead? No. Now you’ve put yourself behind the eight ball in preparation. So you wake up in the morning and find yourself peeking out the window and houses are on fire and packs of zombie humans are hunting living humans and the world is in chaos.

According to a September issue of Vanity Fair, in a public opinion poll, three out of four middle-aged married couples supporting one or more children are likely to continue on with their morning and have their cup of coffee. If you fall into that demographic category…screw the coffee or you will die. Unless you’re that one out of four, that person is still sleeping at the time. Okay now you know that zombies are attacking, what should you do next? Move on to Section 2: Know the Type of Zombie You’re Dealing With.

Let’s just say, you don’t know anything is happening and nothing is going on in your neighborhood, and you unknowingly come across your first zombie. What should you look and be prepared for?

Scenario #1: If someone with some type of bleeding wound is running at you with a crazed look in its eye, then that might be a red flag to a zombie attack.

Scenario #2: If there is a hot teenage girl (or guy for the ladies) bleeding uncontrollably from the body, make sure she’s not a zombie. I know your first urge is to run to her aid and give her the correct medical attention that you may or may not have knowledge of, but if you don’t correctly read the signs, it won’t make a difference. If she’s crying about how her clothes are blood-stained or text messaging some one over her pink Motorola Razor cell phone, then you are safe to show you heroics and save her. If she looks at you with a crazed “I want you like a teenage girl wants Justin Timberlake”, then take the necessary precautions to secure your safety. And if you’re not sure and have a gun, then just shoot her in the head.

Scenario #3: If any one comes toward you…just run away! RUN MOTHER FUCKER RUN! Leave now, and ask questions later. It’s better to be safe than sorry. If you're not sure, and have a gun, just shoot them in the head.

...To Be Continued...

Stay tuned for more insightful surviving tips from Tommy G in Section 2: Know the type of zombie you’re dealing with. He'll bring you the physical signs and types of zombies that you may encounter. Just remember to stay alive that long!